Our Lady Wanderling asks ~
Do you believe in the old maxim, "treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen?" I ask because whenever I'm cool and laidback and don't put any demands on my bf, he tends to get lazy and can become unreliable, but as soon as I start being a taskmaster, he's good as gold. This is wearing on me as I don't want to have to be a nag. What do you think? Do men require instruction, why can't they just do what they know they should at all times?
As you know, my bf is the most exceptional yumminess that ever lived. But when I'm in a bitchy mood ~ and I don't mean toward him, but just in general ~ he is so sweet and responsive to every little thing I say and do. Which is kinda fun!
Yesterday, I was pondering whether a woman should keep things a little bitchy and demanding in order to keep her man on his toes. It took me about two seconds to remember that I've wrestled with this before. I would hear advice about playing "hard to get" games when first seeing a man. And I could totally see how this was probably a good strategy. But I am simply incapable of seeing dating as a game. I figured that if that's what it took to "get a man" then I surely didn't need one! And I feel the same way about "keeping a man."
So in this case, I have to say that I believe a woman should be herself and not try to maintain a certain persona in order to manipulate or "train" a man to make him what she wants him to be. If he's not what she wants, then she just be thinking about moving on. Remember, changing a man is only an option when he's an infant. ;)
There are many cultural forces that will compel us to consider swaying from our resolve to remain true to ourselves. We have experienced a number of different types of relationships by the time we are in our twenties. In those cases, we have found that this works or that works and have taught ourselves not to be straightforward or not to be open or not to be ... well ... honest! About anything!
Honesty is the most important foundation of any relationship. Beginning with honesty with oneself. So it will always come down to me. Can I honestly live with a person who exhibits behavior that frustrates me? And is this behavior part of an underlying and deep trait that I will find to be entirely unacceptable?
THAT is where the honest and positive approach to this really lies.
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BONUS ~ Staying with our Cohen theme, another song for y'all:
11 comments:
I love Cohen, great song!
Good advice Teri. You're going to make a fantastic advice columnist. I may even throw a question your way some!
One caveat I need to toss in here:
To each his own. You can't necessarily lump all men together, because each is going to come up with a different reaction.
However, with me, a little bitchiness goes a LONG way.
If she keeps me on my toes about once or twice a week, I'm sharp for the week.
Less, and I'm lazy, more and I get indignant.
So, finding the "happy medium" for your guy is going to be the key, IMHO.
Jeff: Please do!
Jormengrund: You are very correct in clarifying some balance. Thanks for the input.
Still, I am not going to try to "learn" about balancing the bitchy act with my man because it helps him behave properly. That's his business to train himself to do. I'm not into the "teaching my man how to act" business. I'm in the whore business, remember? If it don't come naturally, I ain't got no use for ya! :)
*puns always intended*
I'm excited that you have this new advice blog. I have a feeling your services will be needed by me at some point, lol!
Oh and I read the title last...and loved it!
I hate to nag or bitch so if that is what a man is looking for--he won't find it here, lol! If he can't do what he needs to do, his loss. I'm not his mother, nor do I want to be:)
I've got a question to ask you Teri, and you can possibly address it next time:
When it comes down to it, are you more flattered when the BF or hubby has gone the extra mile to do things around the house for you, OR when he's gone and done something for you (buy flowers etc)?
Willow! Glad to see you! And I agree. I'm out of the mother business. More into the grandmother phase now. :)
Jormengrund: Good question! I will be happy to address it.
Stay tuned!
Cathouse and Willow have gotten to what is annoying me, which is that it annoys me that I have to nag. I'm not his mother nor his boss, and nor do I wish to be. Nagging makes a woman feel OLD, and as if she's having to look out for and pick up after a child. Not exactly romantic. Why don't (some) men get that?
I dunno, babe. I'm hoping to cover that next. Or at least get a provocative conversation started! ;)
Honesty is the most important foundation of any relationship. Beginning with honesty with oneself. So it will always come down to me.
Perfect! I believe this and say it all the time :)
It's so nice to see someone talking sense out here. I don't believe in much. One of the only things I do believe in is trying (TRYING!) to be true to myself and honest with the people in my life.
And thank you for the lovely song.
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